A Journey without Regrets.

I was born ambitious and resilient. And I am always determined to overcome the hurdles that I face. I am never happy when life is mundane. I cannot tolerate my days when they are to be the same routine with little variety. I guess that is one of the many reasons why I continuously forced myself to plough the road and keep moving forward even though at times the journey was painful. That is also why I sacrificed my feelings to do my Ph.D. That is why I drove myself to the hospital to deliver my son. That is why I never say ‘no’ when a task is presented to me. I don’t like to be seen as weak. In addition, I also don’t like to trouble people except my husband as I believe that I am part of him when he took me as his wife. Other times, if I suffer, I prefer to suffer alone.

For the past few years, I worked hard to ensure that I stand equal to others at the expense of my family and my health. Even though I was at home, my mind continued to think about work. When I played with my kids, I was actually thinking of the deadlines that I needed to meet. My heart was always full of anger as I felt forced to do many things simultaneously.

It was not until this one rainy day, as I was driving home that it suddenly dawned on me - as much as I wanted to be successful in life, it would not matter if I fail my family. As a wife, and a mother, I have a far bigger responsibility on my shoulder, one that will last me a lifetime. I am not saying that I will become a great wife, or an excellent mother, but I want to believe that I at least try.

So, on that particular day, I came to the realization that I now needed to prioritize my life. I begin to accept the fact that I am not young and single anymore. Time is not on my side. I am a mother of four and my children’s futures depend on me. Of course, my career is still important. But I learn to be patience. I learn to be able to take one step at a time. I learn not to be very competitive. I now read books like Chicken Soup for the Soul to remind me of what I already have in my life. As much as possible, I try to minimize the work that I bring home especially on weekends. I get involve with my children’s homework and activities. I teach them to see different perspectives in life. I train myself to work hard and also play hard. Of course, sometimes it is very difficult to get a good balance. Still, I believe in the long run it is going to be worth it. I once discovered this quotation – ‘You cannot find peace by avoiding life.’ In life, we make choices. We then have to live with the consequences of those choices. As much as I want to succeed, as much as I want to be on the top of the world, I want more for the journey to be without regrets.

A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed.

A friend in need is a friend indeed. I have lots of friends. But in truth only some prove to be reliable. Only some will be around when I need them the most. Only some actually believe in me. And only some love me unconditionally. I do believe that in life, one can never do without friends. And so, when they leave, life can never be the same ever again.

Jue
If I were to describe Jue with two words, it would be fun and shopping. If I were to describe her brand, it will be Coach. Wow! I have never seen her feeling depress or sad. She is always strong and confident. And events in her life always take an interesting turn every now and then – like pages of a novel. To Jue, I hope life treats you well wherever you are. Thank you for the constant inspiration, joy and love you share with me.

Tee
This particular friend of mine has the word ‘perfectionist’ stamped all over him. He is a good friend to have. Always willing to go for an extra mile. Always look at things in a positive way. He has a good aura surrounding him and that aura is projected to his friends somehow. A calming effect. This is a friend that knows how to enjoy life. To Tee, I hope you will one day find what you have been searching for. And thank you for always being there for me..through laugh and tears.

Serene
Serene is one of the most determined individuals that I know. Although she will only be gone for about 10 months, for me she is still not going to be around here. It is very fortunate for me to find such a reliable friend. And a very optimistic one too. From time to time, she helps keep my feet on the ground. Well, to you Serene, enjoy your life in Perth. Don't forget to come home when you are done, eh.

Frankly, I have always known that when people made their decisions, no tears will stop them from leaving. Still, some parts of me wish that they would stay. Hehe. Good luck you guys and love ya!

Let Us be Proud of Who We Are

Last few weeks I had encountered a few disturbing insights from a number of people:

1. At the talk by Tun Mahathir on 29 November 2010 - ‘Revisiting Vision 2020.’ One of the issues highlighted was our lack of trust on our people's expertise. As Tun was saying, in order for us to move forward, we need to actually upgrade our own expertise and develop our products and services so that our brands will be at par with all those international brands.

"In between the sarcasm and wry humour, Dr Mahathir also dispensed some brilliant thoughts on how to achieve Vision 2020 like re-focusing on Domestic Direct Investments, changing mindsets for the better, increasing productivity and quality of goods and services, and mastering the English language as it would enable one to have more access to information and knowledge, and be able to operate internationally with relative ease.”We still have 10 good years left to achieving Vision 2020," he said." Quoted from Bernama, http://www.bernama.com/bernama/v5/newsindex.php?id=546443, 29 November 2010.

2. At the Graduate School of Management Seminar 2010 on 1 December 2010- a talk by YM Dr Raja Nerina on our Halal industry and SME. Her findings discovered that a lot of our small and medium entrepreneurs lacked the capability and motivation to penetrate the international markets although the platform was provided through the cooperation of the Malaysian government with the foreign hypermarkets such as Tesco, Carrefour and Giant. Some of the reasons given by the entrepreneurs: the international regulations were too complicated; and to succeed it required hard work on their part, which they were not willing to give.

3. Also at the Graduate School of Management Seminar 2010 on 2 December 2010 - a conversation with a veteran in the industry. The question raised was simple. Why is it that most Malaysians who work for multinational organizations regard themselves as better off than Malaysians who are working in non-multinational organizations? The former seems to have higher self esteem and self efficacy than the latter.

Phrases like ‘ saya tak pandai..’ or ‘ saya rasa saya tak layaklah..’ or even ‘malu lah saya nak join..’ were common these days. Just take the situation in the university for an example. Companies have lots of opportunities to offer students in terms of competitions, practical trainings, etc. However, there were only few interested players. The rest prefer to just stay in the background. When given the opportunities, they often opt not to participate. However, when others actually grab the opportunities, they fret and complain and criticize for not being given the chance. The worst would be them finding excuses for not taking part or for not being chosen. I remembered once in our effort to encourage students to participate in students’ activities, we actually provided a.k.a bribed them with free lunches (nasi ayam to be specific). Still, not many came. It was very frustrating as many of the nasi ayam were then distributed to the faculty members. It beat the whole purpose of offering the nasi ayam in the first place.

Is this our ‘malu’ values in action? Do Malaysians prefer being appointed to do something as opposed to being openly invited for the same purpose? Are we becoming more and more complacent? Are we losing our sense of competitiveness? Looking back towards the previous generation, I see different values and attitudes at play. Perhaps because they had it hard in the beginning, their thirsts for knowledge and success are never ending. Perhaps the younger generation is being spoon fed too much that they become lazy to even put in efforts. Or are we overprotecting them in a way that they are not resilient anymore in facing the challenges of the world? If this attitude continues, what kind of society are we going to have in the future? What kind of lives will the next generation lead? With today’s technology, we should be able to embrace challenges and learning opportunities better. Knowledge should be shared and enhanced when possible. Criticisms should be done constructively and not be infected by negative emotions such as jealousy, malignancy, hatred and so force. All these years, generations after generations, we have been brought up with a well known proverb – segan bertanya, sesat jalan. By all means, ask and you will never be lost. Personally, I am not ashamed to admit that I don’t know about something. But I am very ashamed if I don’t take any actions in trying to learn the things that I don’t know. I strongly believe that anybody can be gemilang (outstanding). It’s a question of whether we want it or not. Think about it.

“I knew at that moment I had to make a choice. I could submit to everything that was happening and live a life of excuses... or I could push myself. I could push myself and make my life good.” Liz Murray – Homeless to Harvard, 2003.