I Never Would Have Thought...

Lately..I feel stressed over the unknown future and my inability (in my opinion) to perform up to my own high standard. As a result, I fail to view life as welcoming as I should have. And that redirects further to my frustration. These negative feelings seem to be wheeling around me..I feel myself drowning slowly...bit by bit. And out of a sudden..tonight..my thoughts were suddenly shifted back to the life I once had in Reading. I really dunno whether it was the fun times that had me thinking about the one place that I thought I had or rather would not miss, or was it the sadness and shed tears that brought back the memories. Of course I miss going for the shopping sprees at Next, etc. with my friends at 7am, or browsing through the racks in La Senza for cheap lingerie (hehe..when I say cheap..it was DIRT cheap..). On the other hand, I also miss the ride on my bike early in the morning, in the midst of winter..I miss my session of hazelnut hot chocolate with my friends when I feel sad..I miss running back to my house without any proper protections through hails and rains...I miss the very, very early morning chat that I had with my husband everyday, and I miss the excitement and the depressions I felt over the process of writing the thesis. I even miss the university guard that to me, looks like the chubby bad guy in Jurassic Park who had stolen the dinosaurs' DNA and cut the electricity in his effort to run away. He always made fun gestures to me and he smiled a lot. On top of all..I really miss missing my husband and my kids! People say that when you are far from your loved ones, the affections grow stronger each minute. Once together, the feelings are neutral cause sooner or later you tend to take those in front of you for granted. When I was in Reading, I sort of made a pact with myself to never set foot there again for the place brought me more sadness and tears than I had thought possible. I used to joke with my friends that my tears would be able to fill the seven barrels requested by Puteri Gunung Ledang. Little that I know how those tears affected me in the long run. Now it feels that somehow a part of me was left there. And no matter how hard I try, I doubt that I would ever find it again. So long, my friend.