My dearest Yasmin;
I feel that it was just recently that I first hear your cries and hold your two small hands. I know you have sacrificed a lot for me. I was not around when you needed me the most. I missed the opportunity of being with you every steps of the way when you first started school. As much as it was difficult for me to be without you, I am sure it was more difficult for you to grow up without me. I am so sorry for being so selfish. If only I could turn back the time…
Min, I know I am not the best mom in the world. In the beginning I don’t even know how to be a mom. Instead I just follow my instincts on what I thought is best for my children. You have always been so reserved. A lot of the times, I don’t even know what is in your mind. And I guess that is the reason why sometimes it is very difficult for me to reach out to you. Yasmin, I want you to know that you will always have my unconditional love. Whatever I do for you, it is always done out of love. How can I not love you? You are my daughter. As simple as that. Yes, I have scolded you at times. You may wonder why now. In time you will discover that it is my way to protect you from the future that is not going to be so forgiving.
The decision to send you to a boarding school was not the done in a spur of moment. It is one of the hardest decisions that I had to make as a mom. I have given it a long, long thought. I have weighed the options in my head over and over again. When we discussed about it, your reactions were mixed. Sometimes I saw your excitement, but at times I saw your reluctance. Even today, when I actually sent you to the school, I didn’t know what to make out of your expressions.
Yasmin, as a teacher, I always want the best for you. I want you to get the best education; I want you to be exposed to the diversity that you are going to face in the future. I want you to have an inner strength so that you can withstand whatever challenges facing you when I am no longer around. Of course as a mother, I will always have the tendency to protect you from everything that’s hurting you. In truth, my heart bleeds when I said goodbye to you today. It took all my strength to prevent myself from crying in front of you. I pray to Allah so that you are always given a sense on how much I love you. ‘..Come what may, come what may, I will love you until my dying day..’ Whatever I do Min, you will always be in my prayer. And I know Allah will help me protect you in ways that I can never do.
With love;
Mak
2 comments:
Dear Dr Dahlia,
This is the 1st time i read your blog. I was so touch with your words for Yasmin.. When i was at her age, i hardly understand what my mum did to me. But once i have my son, i finally understand everything.. I think she know that you are a great mother, insyaallah.
-Aini-MBA-
Dear Aini..thank you. I believe you are also a great mother to your son.
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